Why Are So Many Teens Struggling Right Now?

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As a pediatric ophthalmologist and mom of three, I understand the instinct to protect our kids from discomfort. We want to make things easier for them whenever possible. We remind them about forgotten assignments, step in when projects become overwhelming, and sometimes solve problems before they ever become problems at all. Most of us do these things from a place of love, and often we do them without even realizing it.

I understand that instinct because I’ve lived it myself. I’ve absolutely been the parent frantically helping with a last-minute school project before sunrise because I wanted to save my child from stress. I’ve worried that saying no to something would somehow make me seem less supportive, and I’ve felt the same guilt many parents carry around every day: Am I doing enough? Am I helping enough?

During a recent episode of In Focus: Vision, Clarity and Eye Health for the Whole Family, I explored something that I think many parents need to hear: sometimes helping and rescuing are not the same thing. One of the most difficult parts of parenting is learning where that line exists and understanding when stepping back may actually help our children more than stepping in.

Why Parenting Feels Different Today

Raising children has never been simple, but parenting today comes with challenges that previous generations never experienced. Our children are growing up in a world filled with constant information, endless comparison, and digital environments that never really shut off. Their friendships exist both online and offline, their successes are visible to large audiences, and their mistakes can feel far more permanent than they once did.

Parents are navigating something entirely new as well. We now have unprecedented access to our children's lives. We know when assignments are missing, when grades change, when they enter class, and sometimes even where they are throughout the day. While this level of access is designed to help us feel informed and involved, it can also create another burden. We begin feeling responsible for everything.

Instead of allowing room for children to struggle, problem solve, and learn from mistakes, many of us start believing that our role is to prevent every difficulty before it happens. The challenge is that childhood was never meant to work that way.

Failure Was Never Supposed to Be a Dirty Word

One of the most important ideas we discussed centered around something many parents fear almost as much as children do: failure.

Somewhere along the way, failure became something that feels unacceptable. A poor grade, a forgotten assignment, or a difficult social situation can quickly start feeling like evidence that something needs to be corrected immediately. Watching our children struggle can be painful, and our natural instinct is often to protect them from discomfort whenever possible.

The problem is that growth rarely happens without discomfort. Children build resilience by experiencing challenges and discovering they are capable of handling them. That does not mean throwing children into difficult situations without support, and it certainly does not mean stepping in to remove every obstacle. Parenting often exists somewhere in the middle, and finding that middle ground looks different for every child.

Learning who your child actually is—not who you expected them to become—is one of the most important jobs we have as parents. Some children need more guidance while others need more space. Some need encouragement while others need opportunities to build confidence independently.

The Difference Between Helping and Rescuing

As parents, we often tell ourselves that we're helping because we love our children, and that is absolutely true. However, there can be an important distinction between helping and rescuing.

Sometimes we step in because our child truly needs support. Other times we step in because their discomfort is making us uncomfortable.

That difference matters.

When we solve every problem, children never have the opportunity to discover that they can solve problems themselves. If they forget lunch, they may learn to borrow from a friend. If they make a mistake on an assignment, they may learn how to communicate with a teacher. If they experience disappointment, they may discover that they are capable of adapting and recovering.

Resilience is not built by avoiding stress entirely. It develops through experiencing challenges and realizing that they can handle difficult situations and come out stronger on the other side.

Why Kids May Be Struggling More Than We Realize

One of the most concerning realities we discussed involved youth mental health. Many children who appear successful on paper are struggling internally in ways that are easy to miss.

They have friends, perform well in school, participate in activities, and appear happy from the outside. Everything can look perfectly fine while significant pressure quietly builds beneath the surface.

Today's adolescents are carrying an enormous emotional load. They are navigating hormones, identity development, academic expectations, social pressures, and constant digital exposure while still developing the parts of the brain responsible for judgment and emotional regulation.

Many parents assume they would recognize if their child were struggling, and sometimes they do. However, struggles are not always obvious. This is why creating strong relationships with our children matters so much.

Creating Space for Real Connection

Parents often want the perfect question that will suddenly unlock meaningful conversations with their children. The reality is that there usually is not one.

The most important conversations often happen during ordinary moments rather than formal sit-down discussions. They happen during drives home, while making dinner, during walks, or while simply sitting together without an agenda. Children often open up during these moments because they feel less pressure and less expectation.

The challenge is that many families are increasingly losing these spaces. Schedules are packed, activities fill evenings and weekends, and screens often occupy whatever downtime remains.

Creating connection does not necessarily require elaborate plans or major family events. Sometimes it simply means creating enough room for conversation to happen naturally.

Final Thoughts

One of the most meaningful reminders from this conversation was that our job as parents is not to prepare the road for our children. Our job is to prepare our children for the road.

That means helping them develop confidence, resilience, and the ability to adapt when life becomes difficult. It means creating relationships where they know they are loved regardless of mistakes, disappointments, or imperfect choices. It also means extending some of that same grace toward ourselves.

None of us are doing this perfectly. We will step in too quickly sometimes, miss things entirely other times, and question ourselves constantly along the way. Children do not need perfect parents. They need parents who continue showing up, continue learning, and continue building relationships that will matter long after report cards and teenage years are over.

Sometimes the most important question is not whether we got parenting exactly right today. Sometimes the better question is simply this: What kind of relationship do I want to have with my child when they are thirty?

Want to Learn More?

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Thanks for reading — and for doing what you can to protect your family's vision, health, and well-being, one step at a time.

– Dr. Rupa Wong
Pediatric Ophthalmologist | Surgeon | Mom of 3

This episode is brought to you by The Pinnacle Podcast Network! Learn more about Pinnacle at learnatpinnacle.com