Why Kids Melt Down When Screens Turn Off (And How to Calm the Chaos) | Gabie Izralson PsyD
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If you’ve ever told your child it’s time to turn off the iPad and instantly watched their calm demeanor dissolve into tears or shouting — you’re not alone.
Screens have become an emotional battlefield in so many households. Even as a pediatric ophthalmologist, I’ve felt that same frustration — the tug-of-war between knowing what’s best and just wanting a moment of peace. But the truth is, it’s not just behavioral. There’s brain chemistry at play.
To unpack what’s really happening when kids melt down after screen time (and how parents can regain control), I sat down with Dr. Gabie Izralson, a clinical psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst who’s spent years helping families navigate screen time and emotional regulation.
The Emotional Science Behind Screens
Dr. Izralson explains that screens are powerful dopamine drivers.
Dopamine — our brain’s “feel-good” neurotransmitter — is tied to motivation, pleasure, and focus. Activities like video games, TikToks, and YouTube shorts flood the brain with it, offering instant gratification.
The problem? That constant dopamine stimulation depletes our reserves, which is why your child often crashes when it’s time to stop. The irritability, the “I’m bored” complaints, the emotional spiral — it’s all part of that dopamine drop.
But here’s the good news: boredom is actually healthy.
When kids have space to feel that discomfort, they often rediscover creativity — like my daughter, who once turned her “I’m bored” moment into writing a full song on her guitar. That wouldn’t have happened if she’d gone straight back to a screen.
Reframing the Power Dynamic
One of my favorite points from our conversation was about power.
So often, it feels like the screen holds all the control. But as Dr. Izralson reminds parents, we’re the ones who decide when and how screens are used.
“Screens should be a privilege — not a coping mechanism,” she said. “When kids use them to avoid discomfort, we’re teaching dependence, not regulation.”
That shift in mindset changes everything. Instead of feeling powerless, we start setting expectations from a place of confidence and calm.
Modeling Matters More Than We Think
It’s easy to talk about screen limits for our kids — harder to live them ourselves.
I’ll admit, my husband and I have both been guilty of sneaking glances at our phones during dinner. But kids notice everything.
Dr. Izralson shared that modeling is “the most powerful form of teaching.” If we say no screens at the table but check our messages between bites, the rule loses meaning. She recommends parents set phone-free zones and hours — even if it’s just 5–8 p.m. — to fully disconnect and reconnect with family.
Managing Meltdowns Without Losing Your Cool
So what do you do when the inevitable meltdown happens?
Dr. Izralson’s approach starts with checking in with yourself first.
“If you’re stressed, your child will feel it,” she said. “Calm yourself before trying to calm them.”
Her steps are simple but powerful:
Connect before you redirect. Acknowledge your child’s feelings (“I know it’s hard to stop when you’re having fun”).
Create a chill zone. A quiet space where kids can decompress — a cozy chair, beanbag, or their room.
Don’t reason mid-meltdown. Wait until they’re calm to discuss what happened.
Normalize repair. Apologize when you lose your temper — it teaches empathy and emotional accountability.
As parents, we won’t get it right every time. But those small moments of repair and connection build emotional resilience — for both our kids and ourselves.
It’s Not About Perfection — It’s About Presence
Screens aren’t the enemy — they’re part of our modern world. The key is intentionality.
Not every app or video is harmful; some are educational or creative. The real question is whether screen time is balanced and whether our kids feel seen, supported, and in control of their own emotions.
As Dr. Izralson put it:
“It’s okay for kids to have screen time — just make sure it fits within the structure of your family values, not outside of them.”
So next time you feel that familiar frustration bubbling up, remember:
You’re not powerless. You’re parenting in a digital age — and doing the best you can to raise emotionally aware, resilient kids.
And sometimes, that starts with putting your phone down, too.
Want to Learn More?
This is just the beginning. In upcoming episodes, we’ll explore:
-How screen time and digital habits are shaping our kids’ development
–The connection between vision and overall health
–What you need to know about common eye procedures like LASIK and cataract surgery
–Practical ways to advocate for your child’s visual needs
You can subscribe to my podcast, In Focus, anywhere you listen—or follow along on Instagram for updates and tips.
Watch this episode on Youtube right now!
Thanks for reading—and for doing what you can to protect your child’s vision, one step at a time.
– Dr. Rupa Wong
Pediatric Ophthalmologist | Surgeon | Mom of 3
This episode is brought to you by The Pinnacle Podcast Network! Learn more about Pinnacle at learnatpinnacle.com
