The #1 Mistake Parents Make When Giving Kids Medicine

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As a pediatric ophthalmologist and mom of three, I’ve had to learn that knowing what’s right medically does not always make it emotionally easy to do — especially when it involves your own child.

One of the most humbling moments of my life was also one of the most ordinary in medicine: trying to give my own child eye drops.

We had to hold him down. We had to restrain our own child just to deliver the medicine he needed. And even saying that out loud still carries weight. You feel like you’re traumatizing them. You feel exhausted by the daily battle. And you’re left sitting in that strange space where you are both the physician who understands exactly why this matters and the parent who just had to physically overpower their own child.

And the most humbling part? He wasn’t a toddler in this story. He was older. Fully capable of understanding reason. And still completely refusing. He was darting around the kitchen island, fast and strategic, treating the entire situation like a negotiation he believed he could win. It was incredibly humbling, because I know exactly how important the drops were for his eyesight — but in that moment, my medical degree did not matter to him one bit. He was just a kid who was scared and uncomfortable.

Why This Moment Matters

What most parents don’t realize is that this isn’t just a behavioral issue. It’s biology.

Putting liquid into a child’s eye is one of the hardest things we ask families to do in ophthalmology. The eye is one of the most sensitive, exposed organs in the entire body. The cornea — the clear dome-shaped surface at the front of the eye — has one of the highest concentrations of nerve endings anywhere in human anatomy.

So when a child sees a bottle coming toward their eye, their brain reacts instantly. The amygdala fires a danger signal. The eyelids clamp shut with enormous force. It is a protective reflex designed over millions of years of evolution to keep anything harmful out of the eye.

So you are not fighting defiance. You are fighting survival wiring.

The Mistake Parents Make Without Realizing It

Because parents know how hard this is going to be, they often try to soften it with reassurance. They say things like, “It’s not going to hurt,” or “It’ll just feel like water.”

But then the drop hits the eye, and it burns for a few seconds.

And in that moment, something bigger happens than discomfort. Trust breaks.

The child learns that what they were told does not match what they experienced. And the next time, resistance is stronger, not weaker.

That is why I tell parents something very different now. Don’t lie. Be specific. Say: this will burn or sting for about 10 to 15 seconds, and then it will go away.

Because children don’t struggle with honesty. They struggle with uncertainty. A predictable sensation is easier to tolerate than an unpredictable one.

When Reason Stops Working

There are developmental limits to all of this.

Toddlers are the hardest. They are strong enough to resist and too young to understand why they should endure discomfort. You can negotiate, explain, reassure — and still lose every time.

And in those moments, I tell parents something that often feels uncomfortable to hear but is deeply true in practice: stop negotiating.

The reality is that sometimes you simply have to get it done.

Do whatever it takes to get compliance in a safe, appropriate way so the medication is actually delivered. Because what often feels “gentler” — prolonged bargaining, repeated failed attempts, escalating distress — can actually be more overwhelming for the child than a brief, decisive intervention.

What I’ve learned both as a physician and a mother is that the emotional weight of these moments is often heavier for the parent than for the child.

Tools That Can Make It Easier

There are small clinical tricks that can reduce the struggle.

Instead of prying the eyelids open, you can have the child lie down and close their eyes. Place the drops in the inner corner of the closed eye. When they open their eye, the medication naturally flows in. Or gently lower just the bottom eyelid to create a small pocket for the drop — less frightening, less confrontational, and often more successful.

These aren’t just techniques. They’re ways of removing friction from an already emotionally charged moment.

The Emotional Truth No One Talks About

What stays with parents is not the medical necessity — it’s the feeling afterward.

That sense of, “Did I go too far?” “Was that too harsh?” “Did I traumatize my child?”

But what I see over and over again is this: kids recover quickly. Within minutes, they are often back to playing as if nothing happened.

The lingering distress belongs mostly to the parent.

And that matters, because it shapes how likely you are to do what needs to be done the next time.

Final Thoughts

Toxic productivity is a thief. It steals your presence. It steals your patience. It steals your health.

Your life is happening right now. It is happening in the kitchen while you make dinner. It is happening in the car on the way to cheer practice. It is happening while your son is trying to tell you about his day and you are staring at your laptop.

You do not want to dilute those moments by cramming them between Zooms and volunteer obligations you never cared about in the first place.

Use the filter. Ask about the season. Confront the guilt. Calculate the opportunity cost.

Because your kids are always getting whatever is left of you. And you want to make sure there is enough left to give them the best version of their mom.

Want to Learn More?

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Thanks for reading — and for doing what you can to protect your family's vision, one step at a time.

– Dr. Rupa Wong Pediatric Ophthalmologist | Surgeon | Mom of 3

This episode is brought to you by The Pinnacle Podcast Network! Learn more about Pinnacle at learnatpinnacle.com