The Secret Mental Exhaustion Of A Wandering Eye And How Surgery Changes Everything | Emma Clepper
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As a pediatric ophthalmologist and mom of three, I spend a lot of time on the clinical side of strabismus surgery.
I know the anatomy. I know the outcomes. I know the statistics.
But what I don't always get to share is what it feels like — not from my perspective as the surgeon, but from the perspective of the child on the table.
What is it really like to grow up with eyes that don't align?
What goes through a teenager's mind before surgery?
And what does that experience teach you about yourself years later?
Today, I got to ask someone who knows firsthand.
In this episode of In Focus: Vision, Clarity and Eye Health for the Whole Family, I sit down with Emma, a 20-year-old college junior — and one of my own patients — who had strabismus surgery at six years old, and again at thirteen. On her birthday.
What makes this episode different is simple.
This is not a parent describing their child's journey.
This is the patient's voice, seven years after surgery, reflecting on everything it taught her — about her eyes, and about herself.
Why This Conversation Matters
There are so many parents right now sitting with a strabismus diagnosis for their child, trying to figure out what to do next.
Do we pursue surgery?
How will my child handle it?
What will they feel, see, and remember?
And for kids who are old enough to understand what's coming — what do they need to hear?
Emma answered all of it.
Meet Emma: A Patient Who Became Her Own Advocate
Emma was first diagnosed with strabismus as a young child. Her eye would drift outward — not always, not dramatically, but enough that her mom noticed it at the dinner table one evening.
Emma herself had no idea.
It just felt normal. She didn't know anything else.
Her first surgery was at age six. For years, things were stable.
Then life picked up. More school. More homework. Less sleep. More sports.
And the eye started wandering again.
What It Actually Feels Like to Have Intermittent Exotropia
This is the part of the episode I want every parent — and every child — to hear.
Because Emma described the lived experience of managing her strabismus in a way I have honestly never heard before.
She called it a mindset.
When she zoned out — the way any kid zones out in class — her eye would drift. She could feel it go. She could see the double vision beginning. And then she had to pull it back.
In her words:
It felt like a rubber band pulling her eye out, and she had to mentally tug it back into alignment — every single time.
That is not passive. That is not automatic. That is exhausting, constant, invisible work.
She described:
Getting headaches from the effort of keeping her eyes aligned
Closing her eyes during schoolwork just to get relief
Being alert at all times in social situations — no zoning out allowed
Feeling alone in it, because none of her friends had any idea what she was talking about
And she did this, every day, before and between surgeries.
On Comments From Others — A Rule Worth Keeping
Emma was open about the social side of strabismus.
Kids noticed in grade school. Comments were made.
But she had something many children with strabismus don't always have: an extraordinary support system.
Her mom gave her a rule she still lives by:
You should never comment on something if someone can't fix it in three seconds.
If they can't move the hair from their face or grab something from their teeth in three seconds, it is not your place to say anything.
This applies to children. It applies to adults. It applies to everyone.
And as someone who has heard some of the comments adults make — to children and teenagers — about their eyes, I can tell you: this rule matters more than people realize.
The Surgery Experience: What Kids and Parents Need to Know
Emma had her second strabismus surgery at thirteen — on her birthday — with our all-women surgical team.
Here is what she remembers, for every parent wondering what their child will experience:
Before surgery: She felt prepared, hopeful, and not scared. Knowing what to expect made all the difference. She asked to understand the procedure in plain terms, and that understanding brought her comfort — not anxiety.
Coming out of recovery: Eyes closed, cold washcloth from her mom, manageable discomfort. No significant pain. She described it as the feeling of having sand in your eyes — that persistent, irritating dryness — not sharp pain.
The surprise: The redness. Eyes after strabismus surgery are not just a little pink. They are dramatically, startlingly red — and no one tells kids that clearly enough. Emma remembers looking in the mirror and thinking something had gone terribly wrong. It had not. It resolved completely. But parents: warn your children about the red. Prepare them.
Recovery timeline: She was back at school by Monday. Surgery was on a Thursday.
The Moment She Knew It Worked
It didn't come in a dramatic flash.
It came in the evenings — when she used to struggle most. When tiredness used to make her eye drift and made her feel like she was fighting to stay focused.
She was in the car with her mom. Her mom pointed at something in the distance.
She read it. Clearly. Without effort.
That was the moment.
What Strabismus Taught Her About Herself
Emma is now a public health major at the University of Hawaii. When she talks about resilience, empathy, and community — you understand exactly why.
She didn't just survive strabismus. She learned from it.
Before surgery, when schoolwork pushed her to her limits and her eye started drifting, she didn't spiral. She learned to recognize the signal:
This is when I need to stop. Breathe. Give myself grace. Come back.
That mindset — built through years of managing something invisible and exhausting — is now how she moves through the world.
She put it simply:
Confidence doesn't come from how you look today or how you feel today. It comes from what you've built upon yourself.
What Emma Wants Kids to Know Before Surgery
If your child is scared, nervous, or asking questions you don't have answers to, here is what Emma would tell them:
Find someone in your corner — even if that person is yourself
Ask yourself: what good can come from this?
Prepare for the good, not just the unknown
And focus day by day — don't look so far into the future that you miss the step right in front of you
What Emma Wants Parents to Know
Give your child space to process it.
Feed them with positive thoughts, not reminders of how hard things were before.
Don't say, "Remember how it used to be?"
Say, "Look forward to what's coming."
That one shift — from looking back to looking forward — is something Emma carries into every hard thing she faces now.
Final Thoughts
Seven years after operating on this remarkable young woman, I sat across from her in this conversation and felt something I don't always get the privilege of feeling:
Proof that the work matters. Not just the surgical work — but the work of truly seeing our patients as people, explaining things carefully, and trusting them with their own stories.
Emma gave voice today to thousands of kids who are quietly working harder than anyone around them realizes.
If your child has strabismus — diagnosed, undiagnosed, pre-surgery, post-surgery — this episode is for them.
Because vision is not just about what our kids see with their eyes.
It is about how clearly they come to see themselves.
Want to Learn More?
You can subscribe to my podcast, In Focus, anywhere you listen — or follow along on Instagram for updates and tips.
Watch this episode on YouTube right now!
Thanks for reading — and for doing what you can to protect your child's vision, one step at a time.
– Dr. Rupa Wong Pediatric Ophthalmologist | Surgeon | Mom of 3
This episode is brought to you by The Pinnacle Podcast Network! Learn more about Pinnacle at learnatpinnacle.com
